20 posts from May 2008

I'm feeling a momentum in life in general.

I might not be where I want to be financially or physically but I'm getting there. I am noticing some things are getting easier. For instance, I am not a great cook. I can read recipes and they turn out great. When it comes to creating dinners out of thin air I have some trouble. We don't eat horribly but there is room for improvement. I have been trying to alter our dinners little by little to create healthier meals.

I am feeling the most momentum in my writing. Don't get me wrong, it's still a struggle to sit down. With a 10-month old it's not the easiest thing to do. When I first decided I wanted to write children's books I looked for a critique group. I looked all over for a face to face group and I looked for an online group.

Finding a face to face group is next to impossible in my area. Most of the groups that had started were either in stand still mode or disbanded. So, I decided to start one. I found a SCBWI member that was in my area and contacted her. Come to find out she was looking for a local group too. Now, I've got a partner in crime. We are in the final stages of getting this group together and we'll be on our way.

I also decided (before starting the local group) to start an online critique group. I had no idea what I was doing but now it feels like a well oiled machine. We've got a little over 15 members and it's (surprise!) a success. This group has provided more help (and helped me grow more) than I ever expected.

Like my schedule isn't busy enough, my Partner in Crime is also part of a book club that meets once a month. Apparently, there are other members with little ones in my son's age range. Since, I don't really know anyone around here, it'll be good to get out AND meet potential friends/moms/playdates. It can't hurt. Or can it?

This weeks prompt:
Write a scene in which the dramatic tension revolves around a misspelling: a road sign, the name on a birthday cake, the directions to a doctor's office, a word in a spelling bee...

This was it. Amber was about to go up and receive her very first trophy. Ever.

Softball was fun but mostly boring. It passed the time. Amber was feeling a little more excited about the sport as she approached the head table where the announcer was handing the trophies out.

He called her name. Spectators clapped. Amber walked to the table. She flashed that famous smile, shook his hand, and proudly received her trophy.

Upon arriving home, Amber polished her trophy. She wiped the shiny plastic softball and was careful not to hurt the girl with the bat that stood on top. She shined the metal plate and realized it wasn't her own name on it. The plate read "Amanda" instead.

Amanda was her little sister's name.

As you can imagine this upset Amber. She cried and wanted to "know why Amanda gets everything and takes  e v e r y t h i n g ?"  Up until that point, Amanda had taken her room, her clothes and the rest of her ice cream.

It was just not fair.

I was reading Prana's blog and I came across this quote:

"Most of us who start out on the yoga mat do not realize that, if we dedicate ourselves to practice, it is only a matter of time until the mat becomes our altar."

This is something I should keep in mind. I am not very religious. Spiritual, yes. Organized religion, no. Not to knock what others do but it's just not for me. Some day I would love to feel at home on the mat. I would like to leave my feelings at the door and (for once) be completely at peace with myself. Like a coffee addict, I would love to feel anxious because I haven't had my Cup O' Yo(ga) yet. I think I need to be writing my goals down and visualize them.

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There is a windchime sprinkling it's noise through the air. Just outside the window, it symbolizes my son. We picked it out together - our first family purchase. He loves the jingling sound and if I'm not careful I'll get a fat lip. He whips his head around so quickly when he hears it.

My husband called. He's going to be late. We've got massive thunderstorms coming our way. I love seeing what nature can do but it worries me a little since the last two massive storms we've had - we got struck by lightning. Both times. Power strip or not, I lost a computer. Both times. The first one that went was my newer one but not by any means up to date with current technology. My second one (aka: The Dinosaur) was my backup until I found exactly what was wrong with the first one. Eventually, I just had to get a cheapy laptop - which is what I'm using now.

The last storm we had was so bad it fried anything in the house that had computer-like features: computer, xbox, and the transformers in our bedroom light and furnace. It was a doozy.

You can bet once the sky darkens, I will be offline, computer unplugged and as far away from an outlet as possible.

Tommy had bad breath. He didn’t know it. The day he found out was one he would never forget.

He had been enjoying the day with a girl that was his friend. Lisa. Ah, Lisa. She had the most beautiful hair and Tommy swore her eyes sparkled like glitter. They were at the movies when Tommy felt that sensation in his stomach. He leaned in to give her a kiss. But not just any kiss. It was his first kiss ever.

“Um. Do you have gum or something?” Lisa asked.

Tommy was embarrassed. He started brushing his teeth after that.

What event changed your life for the better?
Submitted by Kasey.

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Meeting my husband, J. I met him through his brother. I was home from college for the summer. I worked for Parks and Rec. for the town. His brother was my boss. I remember the day he pulled up to chat with his brother. J was driving a truck and I thought he was so cute in it. Then he started showing up more and more. Just to say "hi". He let me drive his new car - and I was completely shocked by his music collection (hello, Mariah? Country?). 

It wasn't until we took a ride in the jeep that I knew something was different about him. His father had bought an old CJ5 with big tires on it - how could I resist hopping in? We had some small talk and then he asked how I was. "So. How are you?" This would appear like a regular chit-chat piece but it wasn't. It was like he was asking how I was doing as a person, inside. I remember pausing before answering because it seemed like such an intimate question.

Weeks later I had a party with some of my college friends and some local friends. J came and hung out (little did I know how big this was- he is not the party type AT ALL). Most of us were camping out that night. The next day was July 4th. Of course, I woke up sick. Fever and The Works. The guy I was seeing at the time (and all my friends) took off they had better things to do. J, however, made me stay on the couch. He brought movies and snacks over. I think I fell asleep on him but when I woke up he was still there.

That was just the start of things. Almost 9 years ago.

I never knew how much he would change my life. I swear he knows me better than I know myself. But he really has allowed me to spread my wings. He has given me my voice. I use to allow people to walk all over me- even people closest to me- J really showed me how to speak up and take a stand for who I am. He has been with me every step, every challenge and every happiness. I have never met anyone as caring, hard, loving, tough, and supportive as him. All of this still continues, after all this time. After marriage. After having a baby. He is still right there. J works hard and sometimes long hours but it doesn't matter - when he's home, he is truly there. I always say there isn't enough hours in the day but somehow he manages to make it feel like we've got more time with him than we actually do.

So yes. My life-changing event was meeting my husband.

I just didn't know it at the time.

I feel like the clouds are parting.

Last night, I managed to get to library to do some writing (It's like going to the office), I stopped for a 6 minute tanning session (for the wedding festivities), I came home, got changed, did some sprints on a hill nearby (I didn't do as many as I wanted but it's a start), and this morning I got some yoga in. I wasn't as relaxed as I'd like to be but since I was starving, I'll cut myself a break. I always prefer to practice on an empty stomach. Years ago I took classes that seemed to fall after dinner and I didn't like the "oktrynottothrowupinhere" feeling. I'm not a morning person but mornings seem to be better for my practice.

Which is probably why it's a constant struggle to show up everyday.

Anyway, I am finding a pattern in my schedule lately. That always makes things easier. My son's internal schedule recently changed so naturally it through off my schedule (and yoga practice). I think I'm getting back to it.

Another stress relief: all the planning I've been doing is slowing working itself out. I still have a laundry list of things to do but I'm chipping away at it.

This passed week has been full of all sorts of different stresses and I'm really trying not to let it effect my eating habits too. I might be trying to do too much. We are working on "setting ourselves up for success" - which basically means if we leave the house and it's close to dinner time we make a point to bring a snack of some sort to avoid eating out (especially fast food!). So we were at dinner the other day (I told you I'm a work in progress!) and I realized something that should be so completely obvious...

I make sure my son eats very healthfully. I avoid fatty, high sodium foods. (Poor kid doesn't know what mac'n'cheese tastes like.)  What I need to start doing is looking at food in a new way. I scan what he eats and I should be doing the same for myself. This, of course, brings up the issue of taste. Baby T hasn't had all the tasty goodness that I have experienced but maybe there is a happy medium somewhere. I don't want to be so strict that once he's out of the house he goes on a binge. But I don't want him to think eating like this is okay. (I'm sure this is one of the many challenges of parenting.) 

Anyway, I need to start caring for my body in a way that I would care for my son. I have heard people say something similar to this before I don't think I fully understood. I understand now but I know it'll still be hard.

I have been feeling a little overwhelmed lately. Stressed but more on the sad side of the scale. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't want to use the word depressed but I've just been bummed. I am aware there are never enough hours in the day but this is ridiculous. How am I suppose to find the time to write?

The passed few days I have attempted two different posts. I deleted them both. If I want to be serious about writing I need to be able to focus on what I'm putting down on the page. I don't really care how this post turns out. For right now, I am willing to just write badly.

I am trying to make more time for yoga as well. Maybe that's why I'm not with the program. I'm just out of balance.

I've got major plans in the works. This year is quite full. With a semi-brandy-new son and being a Matron of Honor - this gal is booked. Shall I make a list of all the planning and goings on?

Wedding Shower
Bachelorette Party
Rehearsal Dinner
Hubby's Birthday
Son's First Birthday
Son's Naming Ceremony
Researching Children's Book Stuff
Researching Writer's Market
Writing for practice
Writing for selling (hopefully!)
Starting a local critique group
Maintaining the online crit group I started

Hmmm... I KNOW I'm missing something(s). In no way is this meant to be a complaint... I am abundant in family and ideas about where I want my life to go. I am grateful for them. Where I am not abundant is in the finance department. Must work harder on putting my vibes out there. I also need to break out some sort of list to keep myself better organized and concentrate on more yoga to keep myself centered and sane (well... "not so crazy") .

I have been surrounded by these words lately. They are showing up everywhere. And not just for me. I came across Andrea's post. This has also been a huge topic with a community I am part of...

Abundance comes in so many forms. Usually, money is the first thing we think of but abundance has a way of sneaking into our lives- sometimes undetected. It even has a way of showing up in forms that we may deem negative or unappealing. Call it the silver lining.

How conscious are we of the things we have in our lives?

I think the first step is to acknowledge the abundance in our daily lives. Maybe even accept it. Next comes gratitude... or maybe that should come before?

Gratitude also comes in different forms. A simple "thank you" doesn't always cut it. It's nice to say but how many of us feel that to the core? And if we do feel it to the core, how can we show it? Again, money is the first thing to mind. It seems money is the only thing that gives such an impact like this. Think about it. If someone handed you money as a "thanks".. how would you feel?  I was taught to be polite and not accept it but there is a feeling that comes with that. It's hard to make money (AND keep it) and I assume everyone else is in a similar boat- so for them to offer up something like that is a huge thing.

Now what if someone made you something? It doesn't matter what it is. Someone took the time to make something just for you. Would that still be just as valuable? Would you accept it?

I think in today's society there is too much emphasis on money. There are other ways to show gratitude. Beyond money, beyond just saying it.

These two words have been very visible lately. I'm still processing it all but it has helped me take a good look at where I am abundant and where I could take action in my gratitude.

Some of you might know I have a nine month old son. He is the perfect first child to have. I'm sure down the road when we decide to have another we'll realize we know nothing about parenting. I'm sure the next one will be a terror... we've had it too easy for too long. But that's not what this post is about.

My son seems to enjoy Heavy Metal. And not just the Godsmack type but the Hard Core, Unearth type. It's funny watching him laugh and bounce around on his wobbly legs. He's hardly been exposed to this type of music and the hubby was mimic-ing that type of music. We got a huge smile and giggle. Not the reaction we expected. so we put it on the radio and waalah: Rocker Baby.

Can I also say the little man is trying to walk? He just mastered crawling a few days ago (we didn't think he'd crawl at all) and he's been standing for months now. He does the usual: holding onto fingers/items while walking... tonight he decides he's going to completely let go and take two steps before he falls into Hubby's arms. Good thing he was there.

Kid is growing up too damn fast. I mean we spend the first couple of months doing everything for him (besides swallowing, dirtying diapers and sleeping) and now one by one tasks are being taken away. "No. I can eat on my own." "No. I can walk on my own." No. I can pick it up on my own." ... and I'm sure that'll continue to grow.

Too damn fast.