8 posts tagged “yoga”

Following Prana's lead, I have started reading Yoga and the Quest for the True Self by Stephen Cope.

I am just getting into this book but it already has me thinking on a deeper scale. And it has me thinking about the mat a little more. Things have been super busy lately, not to mention the little one is getting around! 

I am sure that these excuses have no place here since I am sure I could have found at least 15 minutes here or there to practice. Sometimes the setting just isn't right. I stayed at my sister's house the night before the wedding and I just didn't feel comfortable sticking my butt up in the air - let alone ujjayi (sp?) breathing - in front of everyone.

Yoga probably could've helped me some. I have been battling a head cold since the day after the wedding. My body is funny like that. Once the dust settles, my body decides it's tired of warding off sickness. The same thing use to happen whenever I came home from college. I wouldn't be home a whole day and suddenly, I'd have a full blown fever, complete with shakes and cold sweats.  Now that I think of it, the same thing use to happen over Christmas break when I was younger... must be my body's way of dealing.

Even now, I feel foggy. I'm almost out of the Sicky Woods and when I am I'll be back... hopefully, with more appealing posts.  ;)

I was reading Prana's blog and I came across this quote:

"Most of us who start out on the yoga mat do not realize that, if we dedicate ourselves to practice, it is only a matter of time until the mat becomes our altar."

This is something I should keep in mind. I am not very religious. Spiritual, yes. Organized religion, no. Not to knock what others do but it's just not for me. Some day I would love to feel at home on the mat. I would like to leave my feelings at the door and (for once) be completely at peace with myself. Like a coffee addict, I would love to feel anxious because I haven't had my Cup O' Yo(ga) yet. I think I need to be writing my goals down and visualize them.

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There is a windchime sprinkling it's noise through the air. Just outside the window, it symbolizes my son. We picked it out together - our first family purchase. He loves the jingling sound and if I'm not careful I'll get a fat lip. He whips his head around so quickly when he hears it.

My husband called. He's going to be late. We've got massive thunderstorms coming our way. I love seeing what nature can do but it worries me a little since the last two massive storms we've had - we got struck by lightning. Both times. Power strip or not, I lost a computer. Both times. The first one that went was my newer one but not by any means up to date with current technology. My second one (aka: The Dinosaur) was my backup until I found exactly what was wrong with the first one. Eventually, I just had to get a cheapy laptop - which is what I'm using now.

The last storm we had was so bad it fried anything in the house that had computer-like features: computer, xbox, and the transformers in our bedroom light and furnace. It was a doozy.

You can bet once the sky darkens, I will be offline, computer unplugged and as far away from an outlet as possible.

I feel like the clouds are parting.

Last night, I managed to get to library to do some writing (It's like going to the office), I stopped for a 6 minute tanning session (for the wedding festivities), I came home, got changed, did some sprints on a hill nearby (I didn't do as many as I wanted but it's a start), and this morning I got some yoga in. I wasn't as relaxed as I'd like to be but since I was starving, I'll cut myself a break. I always prefer to practice on an empty stomach. Years ago I took classes that seemed to fall after dinner and I didn't like the "oktrynottothrowupinhere" feeling. I'm not a morning person but mornings seem to be better for my practice.

Which is probably why it's a constant struggle to show up everyday.

Anyway, I am finding a pattern in my schedule lately. That always makes things easier. My son's internal schedule recently changed so naturally it through off my schedule (and yoga practice). I think I'm getting back to it.

Another stress relief: all the planning I've been doing is slowing working itself out. I still have a laundry list of things to do but I'm chipping away at it.

This passed week has been full of all sorts of different stresses and I'm really trying not to let it effect my eating habits too. I might be trying to do too much. We are working on "setting ourselves up for success" - which basically means if we leave the house and it's close to dinner time we make a point to bring a snack of some sort to avoid eating out (especially fast food!). So we were at dinner the other day (I told you I'm a work in progress!) and I realized something that should be so completely obvious...

I make sure my son eats very healthfully. I avoid fatty, high sodium foods. (Poor kid doesn't know what mac'n'cheese tastes like.)  What I need to start doing is looking at food in a new way. I scan what he eats and I should be doing the same for myself. This, of course, brings up the issue of taste. Baby T hasn't had all the tasty goodness that I have experienced but maybe there is a happy medium somewhere. I don't want to be so strict that once he's out of the house he goes on a binge. But I don't want him to think eating like this is okay. (I'm sure this is one of the many challenges of parenting.) 

Anyway, I need to start caring for my body in a way that I would care for my son. I have heard people say something similar to this before I don't think I fully understood. I understand now but I know it'll still be hard.

I have been feeling a little overwhelmed lately. Stressed but more on the sad side of the scale. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't want to use the word depressed but I've just been bummed. I am aware there are never enough hours in the day but this is ridiculous. How am I suppose to find the time to write?

The passed few days I have attempted two different posts. I deleted them both. If I want to be serious about writing I need to be able to focus on what I'm putting down on the page. I don't really care how this post turns out. For right now, I am willing to just write badly.

I am trying to make more time for yoga as well. Maybe that's why I'm not with the program. I'm just out of balance.

There are so many things in life that are hard to do. Things that must be done.

Things like exercising (hello, yoga!).
Things like writing.
Things like saying something to someone who will have a hard time hearing it (but needs to).

We are faced with challenges on a daily basis. There are goals in my life and most of them just require showing up. Doing the hard work. I think these obstacles serve a purpose. They pop up in your face, give you a dirty look and ask, "so how bad do you want this?"

Years ago the hardest thing on my list above was speaking my truth. I always felt bad, apologetic. Like I would hurt someone's feelings. I kept myself locked up and dealt with whatever pain to avoid inflicting it elsewhere. Ironically, the easiest thing for me at the time was exercise. I was busy but I didn't have the time limitations like I do now. I was aggressive in my sports. Healthy. And writing? Well. That has always been a constant. It was more for enjoyment and expression (even though I wouldn't completely allow myself to come out on the page- too many snoopers).

Now, I'd say it's exactly opposite. I have learned that as long as I'm not mean there is no harm in being honest. I have also learned to not take on other's emotions. Why should I try do the work for them? I've got my own thing going on. Exercise is the challenge. Finding time. Finding energy. Finding myself again...even though I've changed so much. Ever feel like you're wearing one of those sumo suits? Thick padding on the outside, real body in? The kind where it's a challenge to walk? Ok. I'm not THAT big but I feel that way sometimes. It's a struggle. It's a work in progress. It sucks.  On a positive note, I am writing - right now. It's still for enjoyment (even though I'd like to call myself a "writer" one day) and I hope to one day make a living at it.  Like many other things it's so hard finding the time to do something you love. Especially, something you want to help pay some of the bills.

So the good news is, I showed up for writing today.

I am having such a difficult time doing this. I haven't done yoga in two days and it's sad. I don't like falling off any wagon. It hurts. I constantly have obstacles that randomly show up right around my set meeting time with the mat.

Even now, just writing this post, I have interruptions.

This is where the little voice start...

"Ah, who cares? Just give up. There are more important things to do."

"How can you expect to feel better if you don't do the work?"

"Yeah, but think about all these interruptions. Maybe there is a reason for them."

"That's part of the challenge. Once I succeed, it'll be that much sweeter."

I'm feeling pretty good today. It's only been three days but I feel the change. Or maybe it's the start of change. That first day, I was shaky and unable to complete certain poses. Here I am two days later making all the way through the sequence without stopping. My vinyasas have improved. Occasionally, I have to revert to Child's Pose instead of a down dog but that's only to give my wrists a break. That is my big achy right now: my wrists. I'm working on distributing the weight into the rest of my hands.

I'm a work in progress.

On top of all this, I have managed to be consistent with my meditation. It's only 5 minutes in the morning and another session at night. Hey, it might just be 5 minutes but it's twice a day. Getting me to do anything consistent - like sitting still for 5 minutes - twice a day is nothing short of a miracle.

I'm a born multi-tasker.

To add to the mix, I'm here writing. Another goal. If I want to be serious about writing, I need to get my butt in the chair and do it. So here I am. It's not a masterpiece but I'm forming words that otherwise would not have been put together. I'm reading everything I can get my hands on but ultimately it requires practice too. Which is another reason meditation is so hard for me - it cuts into all these other things I need to do.

Like I said, I'm a work in progress.

Today marks the first day of yoga. I've been making many changes lately - well gradually. I realized how much I miss doing yoga. I have done yoga on and off over the years... my last experience was with Bikram or HOT yoga. Anyone who knows me knows that I do NOT like hot temps. During every class I was sure I would die. But I never did.

There are many articles supporting Bikram yoga and it's benefits. There are just as many articles saying how it's not as beneficial as you might think. Something about "working out" in those temperatures can make things go wrong in your body and you don't know because it's so hot.

I took regular classes for a short amount of time - like a month? - and stopped due to finances or some other excuse. Ironically, I started experiencing pain in my back. I've done sports for almost my whole life and I can usually tell if something is sore, muscle related.  This pain was weird. Even now, I can't explain it. I eventually went to a chiropractor  (my first time ever) and over the course of 10 weeks the pain was gone and I could move again.

Would this pain have occurred even if I didn't go to hot yoga?  Who knows.

Anyway, I have restarted doing yoga. Not hot yoga, mind you, but just plain old ashtanga yoga in my living room. I don't have to worry about mirrors, or people looking up my behind.  I can just be me. And accept where I am in this moment.